Less Active Returned MIssionaries (Article)
Posted: October 3, 2013 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentLess Active Returned MIssionaries (Article)
This article is right on the money. Being a LARM myself for several years, I can attest that it’s easy to let shame take over and not want to come back because you feel afraid. I was comfortable sitting just outside the circle for a long time; I’m still working on getting all the way back into the mix. It was the caring, non-judgmental example of a few friends and family that really convinced me (by which I mean reminded me) that the Gospel and the Church really were what I wanted for myself. Now, for what it’s worth, I’m back–I’m afraid my ward members are just going to be stuck with me.
Babies Make Everything Better
Posted: October 1, 2013 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentYesterday some people were being jurks on Twitter, and I read about it on the way home from work. But then I got home and I got to play with a baby for several hours, and it made it all better.
Sometimes the Answer to Your Prayers Is a Kick in the Pants on Facebook
Posted: September 30, 2013 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Facebook, God Leave a commentThe other night I was feeling a bit discouraged about my life. As I said my evening prayers, I felt prompted to check my phone. It was sitting right there; I could see the little light flashing.
I thought, that’s silly. Why would I need to check my phone now? It’s bedtime. But I did check it.
The little light was flashing because one of my friends had responded to a complainy post of mine on Facebook. Basically, he told me that I should stop whining and get up and do; that I was still in my twenties, for heaven’s sake, and my life was far from over. It was a good kick in the pants. It was what I needed to hear.
And the funniest part is, it felt good to get a good kick in the pants on Facebook. I felt from God that I was loved and that I was not forgotten about. I am always grateful when the Lord chews me out with love.
Fractal Relationships
Posted: July 23, 2013 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Baby, Family, God Leave a commentThe other night I was wrestling with what I thought was a difficult question and asking the Lord, “Why? Why is it this way?”
Instead of a direct answer, I saw a picture in my mind of my baby son crying. And I understood: my son’s relationship to me is like my relationship to my Heavenly Father. The father in each case understands things the son does not, cannot understand yet. I could try to explain to Baby why he has to go to bed, but it wouldn’t help much. Sometimes all my Heavenly Father can tell me is “It’ll be okay, son.”
Baby’s only three months old, and I’m already learning so much from him.
Never give in. …
Posted: June 16, 2013 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentNever give in. Never surrender. Never allow despair to overcome your spirit.
–Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Heaven Help Us
Posted: May 23, 2013 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentI’ve reproduced.
My baby is now just over 5 weeks old–I’ve barely had the energy to post to my public blog, let alone go to work, let alone also take care of my wife and child. But today, weirdly, I feel like posting. So I post.
I have learned a lot from Baby already. It has given me new perspective to think that we may have had something important to accomplish in mortality, yet we enter it as babies: helpless, nearsighted, unable to regulate our own temperature or digestion very well. It takes many years for us to become the people God wants us to be. And He seems okay with it. I feel that my baby is to me like I am to my Heavenly Father: He has to do everything for me, I am always crying out for help and needing attention, but He doesn’t mind attending to me because He loves me.
I’m sure there’s lots more to learn. Hopefully I will post again.
Fratres (Arvo Pärt)
Posted: March 24, 2013 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Music, Video Leave a comment
Fratres is one of the few pieces of music I can honestly say changed my life. I first heard it at a new music concert at Rose Wagner theater a few years ago. As far as I can tell, it depicts (if it depicts anything) a group of monks walking past you and praying as you sit in a church. The completely static drone in the 2nd Violin creates a feeling of absolute calm and serenity such as I had never previously experienced in any piece of music. I went home and looked up every song by Pärt I could find. My own music changed greatly because of this piece and my subsequent obsession with spiritual minimalist music. I realized that if Pärt (and others) could build such music out of very simple harmonic, nay, diatonic materials, I could do it too. There was no need to inject gross amounts of dissonance unless it was otherwise called for. Some of the music I wrote since then has been called “kitschy,” “a pastiche,” and ” . . . great drama, but I can’t stand the music” by people in the know, but I don’t mind. The music I write these days comes from my deep soul, a deep soul I didn’t realize was there until this piece unlocked it for me.
Justification and Sanctification
Posted: March 18, 2013 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Church, God, Jesus, Justification, New Testament, Sanctification Leave a commentI first remember trying to learn about the difference between justification and sanctification during a New Testament class at BYU. We talked about it a lot, but I never seemed to be quite able to internalize what the difference was (including when it was asked as a test question). I’ve still tossed the words around as they’ve been used in a couple of talks and books since then, but today in Sacrament Meeting I finally understood what they mean. Maybe I’m finally listening.
The speaker today obviously knew her stuff. Toward the beginning of her talk she was looking for a definition of justification in her notes. She looked for a few seconds, then, deciding she wasn’t going to find it by looking, defined it on the fly.
It more or less ran like this: Justification is when your sins have been forgiven and you are, in that moment, without sin. But it doesn’t mean you haven’t sinned, and it doesn’t mean you won’t sin again. It simply means that, in that moment, you are without sin. Sanctification is deeper: it is becoming the kind of person who doesn’t want to sin. It means that, once justified, you will never sin again. Both are gradual processes; both require the Atonement of Christ in order to happen. And I guess I have plenty of work to do toward both!
So, anyway, the talks in church today were really good. I would have thanked the speakers in person, but I was in Primary and they weren’t. Oh, well.
I’m Gay, and I Oppose Same-Sex Marriage (article)
Posted: March 9, 2013 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentI’m Gay, and I Oppose Same-Sex Marriage (article)
I don’t hold with the government-takeover type stuff in this article, necessarily. But I felt like the part about family actually served to put some of my feelings in order better than I’ve been able to up to this point. I’m not a staunch anti-gay-marriage Mormon (I used to be), but I have experienced in my own life that marriage to my wife is more fulfilling than any sexual relationship that I could have ever had with a man. I am not sexually attracted to her femininity, but I respect it and draw strength from it. My wife and I also share an emotional intimacy and honesty that I have never experienced with anyone else in my life, man or woman.
I also feel with the (impending!) arrival of children to our home, they will need both a father and a mother to look up to. I go to my father and mother for different things, and I know that I certainly couldn’t provide all the succor my children might need. My wife is so much better with kids than I am, anyway!
I know that the family I want is not guaranteed me; I know that it is not possible or even desirable for everyone. We all have our own paths to tread, some of which will lead us to very unusual places. But my path is absolutely the right path for me. I can’t imagine my life any other way.
Sleep
Posted: March 5, 2013 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentI prefer the BYU singers’ recording to this one. But apparently BYU didn’t take kindly to that recording being posted. Whatever.
This piece is a fascinating musical depiction of the emotional process of falling asleep. Some people think it’s weird, but as a lifelong insomniac I find it oddly poignant.
Frühlingsblumen 